dont go through an artists sketchbook without their permission
DONT GO THROUGH AN ARTISTS SKETCHBOOK WITHOUT THEIR PERMISSION
AND LISTEN TO THEM WHEN THEY TOLD YOU TO PUT IT DOWN
OR PEOPLE’S WRITING PLEASE IT’S SO EMBARRASSING WHEN SOMEONE READS SOMETHING YOU WROTE THAT WAS MEANT TO BE PERSONAL
THIS GOES FOR JOURNALS AND SKETCHBOOKS PERIOD.
IF THEY SAY NO, THEN NO TOUCHY.
Don’t freak out, I changed my avatar pic. ‘Tis a piece of oil pastel artwork I did in high school.
I’m not gonna lie, it’s a work in progress. Right now I feel like a bitter, scornful thing that does NOT want to let go of this hurt. I want to keep it inside and use it every chance I get to rub in their faces and say SEE WHAT YOU’VE DONE THIS IS YOUR FAULT as if it’ll solve anything. It’d be revenge, but I’d essentially be doing to them what they’ve done to me.
It sucks, and my pride still doesn’t want to acknowledge it fully, but I know it’s the truth.
And so I sit in bed, split between seething anger, silent tears, and a desire for forgiveness towards them that I can’t seem to reach just yet. Jesus, I need to forgive them, I know that! Help me forgive them, help me love them, help me be angry but not sin out of it! You’ve done it before, when the whole thing happened with that person in high school, and oh, how sweet that peace was! Jesus, work in me like you did then! But please, I beg, don’t make me persevere for 6 months for that peace, unless that’s your will.
God, work your will within my life and heart right now. In your way, in your timing. I’m not in the right place, but I know you’ll get me there. Help me keep my eyes on you and you alone every moment of every day.
Commence Operation Get-Ladybug-Out-Of-Dorm-Room.
writing a paper due tonight by midnight.
My exams are done, so me and my bum-looking self are super-relieved and tired ^_^
Can’t wait to get rid of this book. But for now it can be my faux pillow for selfies.
I’M FREE!!! I’VE FINISHED MY FINAL EXAMS!!! SOMEBODY COME CELEBRATE WITH ME!!!
But if you’re geographically too distant to come celebrate in my literal presence, you may leave comments and questions in my Ask Box. That will suffice :D
One week left of summer session 1.
I got one week left to actually learn this stuff before exams :P
sometimes I wonder why I didn’t become a Ling major in the first place.
lol God knows me too well :)
My hair feels like a dream. My scalp does too… oh my goodness this olive oil thing might become a monthly treat. Yay for calm, empty Friday nights where I get to play spa and watch White Collar on Netflix.
Now to get a bit of sleep before work tomorrow…
Praying to God real hard I don’t get assigned any random shifts after 1pm. This is my first Saturday night off in a month and a half. I just wanna have time to do some laundry!
That said, I hope my randomness doesn’t deter y’all and that you have lovely evenings. Sleep well, friends!
Awkward shot of Rachel deep conditioning her hair.
AKA the only time I’ll ever get to sport a silver faux-hawk
More of Jesus less of me, please.
Still processing the night. Might post about it later, we’ll see.
All I can say is WOW MY GOD IS AWESOME AND ALL POWERFUL!!!!
i cannot even.
GOOD NIGHT I LOVE YOU ALL
BUT I NEED TO GET UP EARLY TOMORROW
HERE’S TO FOUR HOURS OF SLEEP!
IT’S NOT EVEN EXAM SEASON YET!
Just a note about the “Scars” poem.
Before I get people freaking out, let me clarify.
I do not cut. I do not attempt suicide. I do not have depression.
That said, I do have an OCD-related chronic skin picking thing (i don’t talk about it much) that is especially bad when I am feeling very down/stressed/hurt/etc.
I just wanted to clarify that for you lovely people. Don’t freak out. I wrote the poem because to some extent, I can understand the pain and compulsions and emotions of those who self harm. I wanted to write it to inspire and encourage, to give hope and lift up those who are pressed down by the weight of their thoughts day by day.
The point is that there is healing for ALL things, and that scars are a badge symbolizing that healing, making them sign of something beautiful not ugly.